Story time with Robert, “Sorry, can’t talk right now…”

Over since his birthday earlier in the month. He has not stopped calling or texting me.  We started up again. He even hinted at the proposal that took place a year ago. He wants it more than anything and said that he is getting tired of being rejected. 

You see, it is not my intention to reject him.

Him: “I wish that you would love me, like I love you”

Me: “How can you say that? I do love you… but you are not ready for me to show you how much. If I did show you, you’d feel overwhelmed by my love and would want nothing else but to escape it.”

He took this as a challenge. He wanted to prove me wrong. That he would not be overwhelmed.

The holidays are always rough on all of us. I am in the middle of relocating. I have dedicated my efforts to looking for employment outside of California. The results are evident. I have gotten callbacks and requests to interview like you would not believe.

However, in a late night conversation with him, I decided to let him know that I have been traveling for these interviews and am just awaiting for a job offer and that I would accept it without question. His disappointment infuriated him, he asked, how dared I leave him? 

How dare I? I think, how can he ask me this question. He never included me in his 10-year plan… (I know, I asked for a 10-year plan, lol) but his plan was to work until 55 and travel with his mother (who is ill) until 60.  Never in this plan, did he say, maintain a relationship with a person, travel with my mother and my partner… no mention of involving another person (i.e., me.). So why does he ask why I did not include him in my plans to relocate?

After I told him this, he called me every night and we would be on the phone over 2 hours each night. 2 days ago, he told me how one of his co-workers expressed an infatuation with him. In addition, asked for advice on how to let her down gently.  His focus was on a resolve that would allow him to continue being Mr. Nice Guy. I told him that, “of all the people who have rejected me (or my advances) I have never thought of them as Mr. Nice guy… in my book, they’re the asshole who rejected me…” and I told him that he should expect this. However, the conversation kept circling back to him being portrayed as Mr. Nice Guy.

Finally, I told him, “I don’t think of you as Mr. Nice Guy, why do you care so much that she thinks of you this way?” well that must have upset him. Because he then asked me questions as to when I stopped thinking of him in this way.  He said that in my examples, it was obvious that I did something to make him react in not-so-nice way.  

My retort of course did not help any… I said, “I recognize the flaws in your character and I don’t hold it against you… surely, you must know this.” However, he did not take my comments lightly.  He abruptly excused himself and said that he must end the call… responses to my text messages have been very curt. Moreover, after several text messages from me to him, he responds, “sorry, can’t talk right now. Ttyl.”

I need to know where I stand with people. I simply need to know for my safety, my security… This way, I know how much I should get involved and where my limitations lie.  Emotional outburst like his, only make me want to keep my distance… so when he decides to text me or call me back… I already have an automatic message reply, “Sorry, Can’t talk right now, ttyl.”

A Visit Cross-Country

Right before the thanksgiving holiday, I made my way, for the very first time, to New York City. This trek was planned to visit my friends who live out there.  While the visit itself was plagued by momentary lapses in extreme situations, like possibly getting into altercations. From shouting matches with total strangers to threats of physical violence.  Yes, it all happened during my trip to the big apple.  

Yes, you constantly hear that New Yorkers are rude and such. Rightly, they are just trying to survive without having tourists block their direction.  In this sense, I can sympathize.  But there is a medium, I think.

Check this out. During my stay in a pseudo-ritzy hotel in the Upper West side, I was meeting with my friends in the hotel lobby bar.  As the last person joined our group, we ordered drinks and introduced my friends to each other.  While, I admit, we were a bit loud, apparently we were too loud for the ambience because we were quickly “shh’d” by another patron.  At first, the majority of our group did not hear this, so we continued with a second round and continued catching up while trying to plan the rest of our evening.  At this point, we were “shhh’d” yet again.  This is when we all heard the complaint; this is also when one of my friends retorted back to this patron “that if she wanted a quiet evening, she should have gone to a fucking library.”  The shouting continued for what seemed a good 30 seconds.  I asked for the bill, completely embarrassed and concerned for the outcome of this event. The reality is that you never know how crazy people are anymore.  At this point, you cannot discount age.  As I said, I asked for the bill, we were comp’d drinks and told that we didn’t have to leave.  I was not comfortable there anymore. Therefore, we left.

We arrived at the bar early, and so essentially, the bar was barely filling up, which means that nobody was dancing.  The music was okay. Based on the music, I could not really tell what demographic the bar was catering to, as the dj was playing a lot of disco.  My good friend, D and I took to the dance floor and made the best of the evening.  Of course we were dancing on the stage, there was hardly any one there, much less dancing.  As we are getting our groove on, a little boy steps up to me and pushes me with all of their strength. A bit disconcerted by this, I asked, “what are you doing?” the boy says nothing but continues.  Rather loudly, I proclaimed, “if you don’t stop touching me, little boy, I will fucken deck you. You don’t know me!” to which the reply was, “I am a girl, not a boy.” She turns and appears to be upset. I then asked her for a reason for why she was pushing me.  She awkwardly says to me that she wanted to dance. Perplexed I hugged her and said sure why not. Albeit, this was the first time that “someone” wanting to dance with me, uses their body weight to gain my attention.

In Hindsight, these were just random events. But thankfully, I was there with “locals” who do not hesitate and bark right back. 

Otherwise, my stay was rather pleasant. I certainly enjoyed my trip, so much so, that I booked another trip at the end of winter.  I look forward to different experiences this time!

This time I am staying at a hella-ritzy hotel on the Upper East. I certainly expect better.  It’s three months away and I am considering asking a former boyfriend to join me.  It is not going to be a “Robert pays for everything” kind of trip but having him there would soften the blow of paying over 1K for a room.  At this point, I am inviting all friends to see who can commit and actually join me.  The company will definitely be well received.