Love, Anew?

It has been years since I have uttered the words, Love; much less to another person.

You see, I gave up on love, so long ago. It’s just not something that I have enjoyed.  The start is always exciting and enticing and dare I say, addicting?! But towards to the middle, it starts to feel like it’s an anchor and you’re about to drown. So very suffocating.

And maybe it’s simply been the men that I have fallen for. Maybe their love was suffocating. Maybe, I just don’t know how to love or even allow myself to be loved.

My storied past has been one of lackluster love entanglements ( for a lack of better words).  But today,  I find myself on the onset of a budding love interest.

It goes back to my Starbucks crush.  Yes, him. 

I know this is nothing significant. I mean, I still don’t know his name and I can’t find the courage to even ask him his name.  none the less, my small time crush on this guy, makes me miss the days when I was in a relationship. 

Of course, I am not thinking of dating this guy, I don’t even know if he’s gay.   

But I think perhaps it is time that I think of a relationship.  Like, it’s been a while since my last relationship, but in all honesty. I wasn’t even in love.  It’s been longer still since I have been in a relationship where I was in love.  Is it even possible at this time?