In Absentia...

It has been a while since my last post and many things have happened in my life. Some good and some not so good.

Over the Christmas holiday, he came back with a vengeance asking for my hand in marriage. The proposal was rather unorthodox, not a fabled love story by any means. I am rather simple to please and do not require much. However, there are certain things that I will require. I require commitment and conviction. You do not have to be right so long as you believe it with every part of your being.

He called me on Christmas Eve and said, "I just called to ask you one thing. Will you marry me?"

My response was not ideal. I retorted, "Do you have a ring?" his response, "No." I continued on to say other things like, "how was your day? What are your plans for xmas? How did you spent your birthday?

The truth is, had he said, "Yes, I have a ring for you." My response would have been automatic and emphatically, "Yes!” But you see, his lack of commitment in getting a ring prior to asking made me believe that he was not serious about "US," and if he couldn't commit then why should I?

Now, it has been several weeks since that unfortunate day that I received a marriage proposal over the phone. We have gone out a couple of times, too. He, in fact, did change. He no longer drinks or smokes. Over the last outing, he bought me three drinks and I felt like such a lush since I was the only one drinking alcoholic beverages. Ironically, I do not need to drink to have a good time, but since he kept buying, I kept drinking. I felt utter disappointment in myself by continuing to drink in front of him. However, he took advantage of this opportunity by asking me direct questions about us. As they say, drunks and small children will tell you no lies. I told him everything that was weighing on my chest about our situation and I said this with his feelings in mind. I delivered the blows gently (or so I thought). After our night out, he took me to dinner/breakfast; at this point, my drunkenness got the better of me and started to sabotage our evening by making wry comments about what I want. Of course, he could not provide these things. Even more reasons why I knew that I was messing up.

Despite the circumstances, I am sure now that I do not want a relationship. Not with him, nor anyone else. I do not believe that I am physically or emotionally ready to take on a relationship. I must work out some critical issues before giving into a relationship. Recently, I went out with my longtime friend and she confirmed this thought.

I simply hope that I can work my issues out before it becomes too late.

Did he just say what I think I heard him say?

Sometimes, people are ignorant beyond measure. Sometimes, people are just bullies.

They say things to rile people and get under their skin.

On a high from a week long vacation, I arrived Friday morning and instead of staying home, I decided to go out and dance the night away with my favorite party buddy.

We arrived at my favorite establishment in the city of Long Beach, CA and headed upstairs to meet and say hi to my favorite bartender. He served our drinks and we continued towards a seating area overlooking the dance floor.

After realizing that my bartender was not on his game, as the drinks were relatively weak and not very flavorful either, we downed our drinks and headed back to him, in the hopes that his technique would improve, but to no avail. Again, my party buddy and I downed our drinks and headed to another bar downstairs to the second favorite bartender, a total hottie, who makes drinks especially strong.

While bantering with the bartender (in the downstairs bar) and taking shots with him and him preparing our drinks, a random stranger approaches us and wants to chat. After a brief conversation, he takes a seat next to me. He explains to me how he is 90 percent "hetero" and when he is highly intoxicated, he enjoys making out with guys but that he's never slept with another guy. I mockingly said, "oh how sweet, this straight boy is waiting for Mr. Right to sweep him off his feet and fuck the living shit out of him."

Fast forward an hour later, that same dude comes up to me on the dance floor and tries to dance with me and then he gravitated towards another guy on the dance floor.  I didn't think much of it because men are fickle this way.

I should note that because of inclement weather, I was wearing a light cardigan sweater. During the course of  dancing, I took off my sweater so that I was more comfortable and laid it on a booth where I was resting my drink.

This guy comes back around and (I believe that in his drunken stupor) comes to stand in front of the area where my drink and sweater were placed. Because you can never be safe with strangers around your drink. I inched closer to my drink and moved it out of his reach. He grabs my cardigan sweater from its resting spot and he was trying to make sense of the material. I moved towards him and said, "Yo, that's my sweater" and took it from his grasp. He turns to me and says, "are you sure that's your sweater?" I replied, "yes!" and he says to me, "that's too small for you...you need a larger size."

I said to him, "bless your heart, thanks and I wish you well."

I was stunned that someone, so rudely, would say a horrid thing like that.

I know I should pay no mind to ignorance in any way, shape, or form, but this guy takes the cake.