Just a thought

Some days, when the rain pours hard enough, I feel my worries wash away.

Some nights, when sleep is hard to come by, I count my blessings so many times, until I am reassured that I have more blessings than woes. 

It is often so easy to be blinded to one's own blessings. We only see what is right in front of us, never seeing past the moment. Always aware, I look to see what the day might send just around the river-bend for me. 

Friendship Rings

This weekend, while working at my side job, a long time work friend approached me.

See, we have been working together for what seems like the longest time, nearly seven years. He and I have always had this off-the-wall relationship. We constantly flirt with each other. However, for various reasons, I have never taken him seriously with any of the things that he says to me. And so, because of this, we have gone through our phases of heated sexual-chemistry to cold nonchalant interactions.  

He makes public declarations to other work associates about how he is attracted to me. Further, he tells my boss all the time how he wants me to go over to his place of residence or how he wants to have a better relationship with me. 

I never know how to reply to these declarations because he never vocalizes these declarations to me in private. The reality is that the only declarations he tells me privately are how he wants to engage in a sexual relationship with me. I feel as though, because we work together, I would never engage in just a sexual relationship. I can only imagine how people at work will publicly criticize my character for allowing this to be made public.

So as we sit there, diagonally, across from each other. (I wear a ring on my right hand, with small diamonds encircling the ring, it's less than 1ct.) He sees my ring, shining in the light of the overhead lamp and says to me, "when am I going to get a ring just like yours?" as I looked up to his bright blue eyes, perplexed, I asked, "excuse me?!"

He again says to me that he wants a ring similar to mine. As I calculate my reaction, I simply smile and say that I could never give him a ring like mine because people often confuse it for a wedding band.

He says, "it's okay, we'll just tell people that it is a friendship ring."

Now, it has never occurred to me to have friendship rings with someone other than my best friends. It's really a hard concept for me to grasp; so as I sit there across from this man, I begin to think of how a ring will change the dynamic of our pseudo-relationship. Is this something that I could be prepared for?

Further, my heart tells me that his requests for a ring does not tell me of his true feelings for me. His request for a ring from me, is a materialistic requests for me to buy him something of worth. Which is why I hesitate. I smiled, and simplistically say...."maybe, when we're official."

Is the world still turning round?

Because the age old question is continuously asked, I presume that yes, the world is still turning on its axis.

I have a friend (well maybe no longer a friend...) but someone in my life that I used to share and confide in. Close to a best friend as a work relationship would allow, I guess. Yes, we worked together. We'd spent our lunches together and have happy hour Tuesdays and Theatre Wednesdays. We'd spend the weekends together on random excursions. We'd even travel together. Share beds and the warmth of the covers. See, we were pretty close indeed.

We had plenty of things in common... and then we didn't. We haven't spoken in nearly seven months. We both have strong personalities and maybe that was the detriment of our bond. 

This morning, on my drive to the office. I realized that a part of me misses her. I miss her for the company mostly. We would go to the theatre often. We'd go to beauty expo's and really anything, just for shits and giggles. We would eat at random places just for the sake of being adventurous. And while, she has not taken anything away from me. I am still free to do all the things that we did in each other's company. However, I don't believe that I have many friends who have the resources and the patience to do the many things that my friend and I would set out to do. 

I secretly wish (maybe not so secret, after all) that I had friends who could easily pack up and travel on a whim, just for the sake of getting out of town.  I know spending a Saturday at the museum doesn't sound too appealing to many people out there... but it's always an adventure for me. 

The travel expo is coming up, here in Los Angeles. To simply grab the friends and say "lets go get some ideas of what adventures (or trouble) we can get into. We don't have to leave next week, or the week after. But let's plan it and make the reservations... Why is this so hard?