SCREAM! Unauthorized Parody

It seems like forever ago since I was around people.  Okay, that is quite an exaggeration but let us be clear. It certainly has been a while since I have hung out with people my age, who I relate to, who share similar values.

Tonight, friends and I went to see the Unauthorized Parody of Scream, currently at the Rockwell.  Live performances are always near and dear to my heart. I feel like as thought I am connected to a stage (perhaps in a past live); but my affinity to live theatre is very strong.  Those who are close to my also share a passion for performances.

This is not a formal review. Nevertheless, I will say that the Rockwell is gaining a reputation for hosting well-produced live entertainment.  You always see interesting people. Moreover, the renditions of the songs that are covered are awe-inspiring.  I can easily recall moments listening to “When Doves Cry” as part of the For the Record series. Similarly, last night, when a performer sang Creep; some of these versions are eerily perfect!

If you are in the Los Angeles area and wish to see wonderful performers (some renowned performers); you should definitely check out the Rockwell.

Moreover, tonight gave me the opportunity to see familiar faces and spend a bit of quality time with them.  I live for moments like tonight. Where I can disconnect from the world around me and submerge myself in conversation and theatre, two of my favorite passions. 

Sex & Love

Tonight was amazing.  A night out with friends. A concert that was pretty awesome. 

It was all a long time coming.  Months before, I was asked to look into a concert, not knowing that I would be planning a group outing. However, those are minor details in the grand scheme of things.

I decided a while ago that as part of my socializing, I would make extra time for good friends and move away from those friendships that do not serve any real purpose.

In reality, I have a hard time allowing people into my circle because I have eclectic taste and the type of people that I tend to encounter seem to be those who hold extreme viewpoints about everything.

But I digress. Tonight was about going to see a concert with wonderful friends in tow. We saw Enrique Iglesias’s Sex and Love tour with Pitbull.

These two are excellent entertainers. We all had a great time. We danced. I sang (at the top of my lungs, may I add). We took pictures. Above all, we stayed present in the moment.

If you’d allow the tangent. Lately, I feel that culturally, we are not living in the moment. We’re constantly looking for the next high; looking for the next big thing. We come, we take pictures or video. And then we move on. Ultimately, it’s not about taking a hundred thousand pictures at an event and calling it a night. We lose sight of it all. We’re not present in our daily lives. So the next time you reach to your phone to take yet another picture, think, soak it all in, and if you’re still inspired to take that picture. Do it. But stay grounded in that moment, not what’s behind that lens.

Love, Anew?

It has been years since I have uttered the words, Love; much less to another person.

You see, I gave up on love, so long ago. It’s just not something that I have enjoyed.  The start is always exciting and enticing and dare I say, addicting?! But towards to the middle, it starts to feel like it’s an anchor and you’re about to drown. So very suffocating.

And maybe it’s simply been the men that I have fallen for. Maybe their love was suffocating. Maybe, I just don’t know how to love or even allow myself to be loved.

My storied past has been one of lackluster love entanglements ( for a lack of better words).  But today,  I find myself on the onset of a budding love interest.

It goes back to my Starbucks crush.  Yes, him. 

I know this is nothing significant. I mean, I still don’t know his name and I can’t find the courage to even ask him his name.  none the less, my small time crush on this guy, makes me miss the days when I was in a relationship. 

Of course, I am not thinking of dating this guy, I don’t even know if he’s gay.   

But I think perhaps it is time that I think of a relationship.  Like, it’s been a while since my last relationship, but in all honesty. I wasn’t even in love.  It’s been longer still since I have been in a relationship where I was in love.  Is it even possible at this time?

Time to Extinguish those Embers.

It is true.

 Your birthday is coming up. I know this! However, I cannot send you a birthday card because I do not want you to think that there are still glowing embers where there once was a roaring flame. 

I went out of my way to get you a birthday card, but there is no sense in sending it to you because 1) I deleted your contact info and erased your home address and 2) I would have to research your business address in order for me to get you this card.

You see, the level of effort is too much to retrieve such information.

But for your birthday, I continue to wish for you many blessings. Most importantly, I wish you find that which will bring you happiness. 

P.S. Over these last few years, I regret that we weren’t better people to each other.  Maybe we could’ve been exactly what we needed from each other.  There were too many things we had in common but not enough to keep us together.  And I know this means very little to a broken heart but we were already broken when we came together. 

You see, it’s better that we’re not connected anymore.  At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

But I don’t harbor any ill feelings for you, and I hope that when you think of me, you think of me (if you ever do) that you wish for me nothing but the best.

What is going on in the world?

Ever since my sister broke the news that she is preggers, I have been most concerned with the state of affairs in the world.  All with due reason; children are being born every single day, and the world continues to become a hostile environment.  The media applies censorship to most of the news and that is why we are so shielded from the horrors that are happening every day not only abroad, but in our own backyards.  It is such an ugly time to be anything but white in America. Should you read uncensored news, you will find stories after stories of injustices against people of color (POC).

You may think my statements are a bit on the extreme, but you won’t hear it on the evening news and that’s the reality. 

I simply can’t fathom how kids are expected to grow up in this very troubling world, at this specific moment in time. I am aware that history tends to repeat itself. People survived it then, and surely, we’ll be able to survive it this time around. But don’t you find it rather depressing that there is so much ugliness in the world. Was it ever worse than what it is now? I know, I am plagued with so many questions.

I wish to be lighthearted, and take everything at face value but how can I, when there is much need in the world? So much need for a better tomorrow. Children born since 2011 do not know a world without war. We have kids growing up being taught hatred against those who look different from themselves.  We’re supposed to be embracing a global community/world. But most kids are not being taught secondary languages.  A famous quote by Mark Twain states, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”

Friendship.

This morning I read a story in the newspaper that absolutely made me tear up. The story of two friends and their tragic end.

What affected me the most about this story is that they were seniors who maintained a 30+ year friendship. They went for morning walks. Unbeknownst to them, this is how it would end. While on their way to their usual morning meet up spot, the eldest friend (101 yrs old), would be run over by a hit and run driver.  The younger friend (93 yrs old), walking up to the meet up spot would see the commotion and his dear friend lying on the ground. The newspaper quoted the man, “I just wanted to fall on the ground right next to him.”

I long to have a friend like this. Someone who would care for me this much they could not live without me. Likewise, I could not live without them. Just seems like this friendship transcends this lifetime.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the friends that I have near me. I would drop everything I have going on for them, should they need me and I would hope the same goes for them.

It’s just that, I have never had to test their loyalty. So I really don’t know what they would do, should I need to call upon them. I know that I cannot do this alone. I will not be able to survive otherwise.

Love and Starbucks?

I have been frequenting a specific Starbucks location, most recently. And the Starbucks Barista (him) now knows me by name! As soon as I walk in, he smiles from ear to ear and greets me by name.

Do you know how special that makes people feel? It is such a welcoming environment. Well, I never thought much of it…until today.

You see, today, I walked in (as I would any other time) and he was not behind the counter as I am used to seeing him.  I engage in the expected pleasantries with the barista (her) who takes my order.  I see him out of the corner of my eye.  I look over and as usual, a see a welcoming smile from ear to ear and he says, “Hi Robert, how are you?” I replied with a smile. I asked him if he was starting his shift or ending it. His response is that he is there on his day off.

He is really a handsome guy, and the fact that he’s personable, helps!

On a side note, my friend, who accompanied me during my visit, literally slut shames me for engaging in conversation with him. She said she is noticed a bit of chemistry. I call bullshit.

Once bitten, twice shy

The fall always makes me think of you. I wish I could say that the cold reminds me of you. But cold weather is not something that happens in Southern California.

Maybe it’s the precursor to the holidays. Maybe it’s because I’m feeling nostalgic. I really can’t pinpoint why it is that I recently thought of you. Perhaps you’ve been calling me with your mind. But I remembered that your birthday is coming up and so I decided to buy you a birthday card.

In all honesty, it is not my intention to reach out to you. I think because of our salty experiences, it is just easiest not to contact you.  And maybe that’s why you haven’t called or emailed.

Dare I say it, I hold you dear in my heart and truly that is what may have sparked the thought to get you a card and let you know that I care.

But I wonder, how it will be received. Should I even bother? I asked around, and people advised me against contacting you. They said, “the dreaded ex is like the plague.”  While I don’t consider you like the plague, I definitely think twice before reaching out. I don’t want to give either of us a glimmer of hope that the embers can spark up again.

I guess lately, I have been thinking about you more frequently. I wonder how your life is. I hope that you have found what you are looking for. I hope that you are happy. Sincerely.

Education and Goals

Today I was a more honest with myself than I tend to be.  Don’t get me wrong. I am quite honest with others and myself but today was a bit deeper than usual.  I had lunch with one of the managers that I support. As we sit across the table from each other, she starts telling me about a situation with her niece and how she recently dropped out of high school.

This subject hits home because I too dropped out of high school. Most of my friends don’t know this about me. Moreover, this is one of those things that I choose not to tell people. Can you blame me?

My story is a bit different from most high school dropouts. I managed to get my GED, a Bachelor’s and now my Masters.  Most of the dropouts that I meet can’t say the same. And by no means am I the exception. There certainly are a great deal of people who share my story; who truly are enterprising people. I just never thought that I would utter those words simply because it serves no real purpose.

Knowing this about me does not take away any of my achievements or make any of these any more or less exceptional. 

But I told this to my manager in the course of conversation. This is one of those things that I like to keep to myself. However, in the course of conversing with my manager, I told her this so that she can give hope to her niece that so long as you apply yourself to something, you can achieve wonderful results. That’s the reality.

I am a strong believer that “you are not a product of your environment.”  You can manifest a different reality than those around you but it will take hard work and dedication.  I know that for some, they are victims of their environments. Or maybe, I should say, they allow themselves to be victims of their environments. But don’t get me wrong. I believe that there is institutionalized system of limitations that prevent a person from getting out. But it is possible, you can get out. Look at me, my public school education was mediocre at best but I am smart. I sought my own education and passed my GED exam on the first try. My college school grades were in the A’s and B’s, and the same goes for my Master’s.

I did not give up even when it was easy to. I kept at it even when I had enough of it. That is my story.