I Still...

breathe for you.

On The Verge...

On the verge of saying "Fuck it All." 

It is not my intent to send mixed signals to the universe. They say, "it is what you seek, that most evades you." Well yes, I seek so many things that I could never find. 

and so, I am at a fork in the road. While I see friends and loved ones who effortlessly find what I seek, bitterly, I extend my congratulatory praise. I don't mean to diminish their glow for their newly found treasures. But I hold to my faith and wish for the same mercy. I, too, wish to find my treasure.

So sure, not everyone's path is the same and I understand this, but can I get a break, really! 

Professionally and academically,  I have garnered many successes. Although, this is not mirrored in my personal life.The sad reality is that, the loved ones in whom I've been witness to their found treasures, do not have professional successes or even academic merits. Although that statement has no value, it is intended to justify my accomplishments. 

Change is difficult. 

So many times, have I wanted to start the ball rolling, this task has been more than a feat. 

I have wanted to make the changes necessary in my life but the unfamiliarity of it all, makes me hesitate. 

How I admire those who can easily pick up their belongings and transplant themselves to other locations. 

So many times, I wanted to take that train to a distant city and assimilate my life to theirs, but the fear of it all leaves me frozen. 

The Desiderata, Max Ehrman, 1927

Most recently, I came across The Desiderata, a poem written in 1927 and credited to Max Ehrman. The wisdom detailed below is timeless. 

The Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, 

and remember what peace there may be in silence. 

As far as possible, without surrender, 

be on good terms with all persons. 

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; 

and listen to others, 

even to the dull and the ignorant; 

they too have their story. 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; 

they are vexatious to the spirit. 

If you compare yourself with others, 

you may become vain or bitter, 

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. 

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; 

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. 

Exercise caution in your business affairs, 

for the world is full of trickery. 

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; 

many persons strive for high ideals, 

and everywhere life is full of heroism. 

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. 

Neither be cynical about love, 

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, 

it is as perennial as the grass. 

Take kindly the counsel of the years, 

gracefully surrendering the things of youth. 

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. 

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. 

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, 

be gentle with yourself. 

You are a child of the universe 

no less than the trees and the stars; 

you have a right to be here. 

And whether or not it is clear to you, 

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 

Therefore be at peace with God, 

whatever you conceive Him to be. 

And whatever your labors and aspirations, 

in the noisy confusion of life, 

keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, 

it is still a beautiful world. 

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.