So who saves the hero, in the end?

Every one deals with loss quite differently. For me, it was definitely different.

Previously, I wrote about what life would be like should my father pass away. Sadly, this reality came to be. My father recently passed, and while we are all still trying to salvage what was lost. It has only been weeks since this came to be.

Some aspects of this process were wholeheartedly disillusioning. Friends who under other circumstances would have been like family, failed to show their faces; whereas, others, I did not even want around me during this time. This was a heartbreaking process for me because (blinded by my grief) I could not think of anyone to call on for a warm embrace or a helping hand, or simply to be a pillar of support. Those who were aware and tried to be there for me, I didn’t want around me because in that moment, I wouldn’t have been able to compose myself and I felt as though I would have to be strong for them, too. During this time, I just did not know how to be strong.

Then there were friends who did know what was going on and failed to show up. They failed me, in the sense that they would send a text offering condolences but they were nowhere to be found.

Maybe I was not right in my head but in that moment a text to say you was sorry for my loss is not what I needed. I needed an embrace. I needed to know that everything would be all right. However, it just seems like this was too high of an expectation.

Sadly, while this was my reality, it was not my sister’s reality. My sister’s friends were with us in our grief. They helped to feed us when we were not hungry and they came by to help clean up the place. In the past, I never thought of my sister’s friends as friends of mine or even friends of the family; it just felt like in that moment, they were no longer her friends, now they were our family.

They say that you know what people are made of in times of trouble and times of joy. The people I called friends, were only there for times of joy and in my trouble, they were not available.

This one person called me to say, “I know what you’re going through, my mother’s friends’ friend, recently passed away.” When I asked, “how close was that person to you?” His response was, “oh I never met them.” And I wondered, then how do you know what I am going through? You have no idea what it is to lose your parent but in that moment, I held my tears, thanked him for his condolences, and ended the phone call.

This is why I could not speak to anyone about this situation because talking to friends about it would only make me upset. In that moment, I did/do not want to hear about your grief. I did/do not want to know that you lost your parent 10, 5, or even 3 years ago, and how you are still not over it. Much less, how it does not get easier. All of this is brand new to me and surely, I will manage to cope with my loss.

So, it has not been an entire month since his passing and we (as a family) are learning every day to cope with his absence. I have only told a handful of people because I needed to get it out of my system and tell someone. I needed to connect with people and let them know about my bereavement. And while I am a strong person, I just needed a moment to collapse.

My only question is, “Who’s there to save the hero?”