I Am Not Ready To Love!

In my adult life, I have unknowingly sabotaged many blossoming relationships with men. For whatever reason, I find that the men who come into my life, are opportunist to some degree. Some vocally expressing it, while others quietly hinting at a specific thing. Whether it is a request for a "loan" or to pay a bill or even to pay for some of their expenses. When faced with these situations, I acknowledge the red flags and heed the warning. I politely tell my "love interest" that they need to move on for they will not find what they are looking for in me.

After being single for some time, I decided to try this "love" thing once again. So most recently, I met a guy...

While he is quite talkative and always posses wonderful talking points. I must admit that I certainly enjoy talking to him... however, in the course of the always ackward "getting to know each other" phase. He has disclosed some baggage that he is currently dealing with. Personally, I am also dealing with baggage of my own, so I certainly do not hold it against him. He has mentioned to me that he is dealing with financial, personal, and professional issues. Might I add that he is 17 years my senior.  I realized that our world is no longer the same as it was years before. So is it fair to say that I would have hoped that by his age of 47, he figured out his issues? For me, I would only hope that by the age of  35 to resolve my own issues.

We have gone out on one date, which was quite lovely by any standards. We met for dinner at a restaurant and shared in continous conversation for nearly 3 hours. My goodness, who would have thought we could go on for that long. The service staff at the restaurant was in the back, since we were the only two patrons at this restaurant, and they just let us be, with no interruptions. Sadly, this was a good and bad thing because when I wanted to order another glass of wine, they were nowhere to be found.  At the end of the meal and when we were finally ready to ask for the bill... he asked me to split the bill in half with him. I was a bit surprised because in my culture, we grow up with the mentality that whomever invites is the one who pays, period. In this case, he invited, therefore, in my mind, he pays. Regardless, I said sure but I expressed my discontent, explained my culture to him. We discussed the possibility of another potential date and that we would discuss the details over the phone.

At this point, it has been several days since our date and he has certainly expressed interest in more dates and getting to know each other, potentially leading to a relationship. This is where my apprehension comes into play. I am used to being single and not having to provide someone a status on my personal dealings. Like, when are you getting home? what time did you get off work? and such... I certainly need to get used to this interest in a "stranger." I say stranger because I still don't know who he really is. We have conversed over phone and met up once. We share some things in common but is it enough?  He confessed to being a part-time student and being on academic probation. He shared having some difficulties in his study and expressed needing some help. This leads me to a red flag.

Is this where I want to be? I have my own goals and ambitions. Does he help or hurt me in reaching my own goals? Can I sacrifice to enrich him with his goals? These questions lead me to believe that I am certainly not ready to love someone. Perhaps, I am not ready to love him. Anyone else, I could have dismissed and said "so long sucka!" but this guy has really made me rethink my priorities.

I once heard, "the people whom you attract are a mirror of the person you are." This statement often scares me because I am surrounded by many people who serve as a scary warning. So for me to fall in love with someone who presents baggage and asks me to sort it out for them, often means it is my queue to leave.

-Rob